For the last few weeks, I’ve been doing a re-framing, of sorts, of my life perspective. I’ve become far less sedentary and far more purposeful. I’ve been working hard in therapy. I’ve sorted out a lot of things in my journal. I’ve been far more intentionally present for my children.
I’ve also been far happier and much more grounded in the present than I’ve been in a long, long time. I’m hopeful about the future now in ways that I have been hard-pressed to experience thus-far in my adult life.
A multitude of factors came together to help me make these changes and I am thankful for each one. This is the first Fall in probably twenty years for which I have not felt fearful in one way or another.
It isn’t that I think the depression won’t return. My illness is cyclical in nature. However, the more I learn about myself, the more I see that manifestation of specific symptoms can be managed, and I know that I am not alone. Knowing I have places to turn for help in times of distress is a real relief.
Anger and hurt and sadness are curious emotions. In my case, I was set on a repeating loop of negativity for a long, long time. I understand now how the negativity came to be, and I understand now that I am in the process of growing past it.
My ultimate goal is to use my experience set to make the world a better place. Right now, that looks like the form of caring for myself and my children. I hope to grow to impact that lives of others in a more direct, positive way, someday. I am also okay and secure in the knowledge that whichever shape that impact may take is unclear to me for now. In time, the path will be more defined.
For now, I am taking things day by day and enjoying my beautiful life and my wonderful family.