Just my view, earlier tonight. 🙂
We have survived thus far despite driving over 1,600 miles with three restless boys. It helps that we left our house at like 10:30 at night, which meant for those first eight hours or so, there was peace and quiet in the car. I’ve only taken a few pictures so far– none of our first three stops, in Iowa and then in Nebraska. but as we came into Denver, I managed to snag this:
There’s not a lot to say else to say. It’s been a long drive but the boys have behaved well and we are happy to be here at our destination, in Colorado.
‘Grateful’ seems like a feeble word to express how profoundly appreciative we are for everything our family is and everything they do. The people we are related to are the epitome of goodness and quiet generosity. I am humbled and so very thankful for their love and kindness.
That is all for now.
We moved this week.
I have such a range of feelings in regard to this change. I won’t even attempt to go through describing all those feelings. I brought two of my three babies home to the house from which we just moved. It’s overwhelming, really– that house has been the object of alternating adoration and hatred, depending on my mood. It belongs to someone else now and I want them to love that house, cleared of all the old energy that we have spent on it and in it.
As I type this from my new living room, I know it will be fine. I know it will be. We said goodbye to the old house and we are experiencing a new beginning in our new house. I am very, very excited about this transition. Stay tuned…
I got to take some photos on Saturday for a local artist friend. Was tons of fun! Here are some of my favorites:
1) We are moving.
2) I have been afraid of blogging for a long, long time.
Those are two of my current truths.
I should explain.
I have been leery of writing about it for fear that it wouldn’t actually happen, but it looks fairly likely now that we will be moving. In less than three weeks, we very well may be living in a different house, in my home town, far closer to the boys’ school and J’s work. This is a great thing and I am happy about the idea of it.
I have so many mixed emotions related to the house from which we will be moving away. I brought two of my three babies home to this house. We have made this house home for the better part of eight and a half years. We have struggled in this house. We have laughed in this house. We have hosted birthday parties and game nights in this house. Eight and a half years of living is a lot of living and much of it centered around this particular house that we will likely say goodbye to in the very near future.
If all works out as planned, though, each of the boys will have their own rooms very soon. The house we hope to move to has a gorgeous front and back yard for entertaining and for boys to play outside. There are magnolia trees. And as I said before, the benefits of being in town close to school, work and church…it’s a dream I hadn’t dared dream about, really. Family has been unspeakably generous in helping this become a reality because it surely couldn’t happen without them. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
That’s all I care to say about moving at the moment.
And, on the fear of blogging:
It’s pretty simple, really. I have been afraid of blogging about anything other than superficial projects or photos. Feelings, opinions, anything even remotely controversial or health-related (aside from the thyroid topic) has been off-limits for me, self-imposed. Evidently I have hurt people through my writing and I know I have been hurt by the ripple effect of their hurt, so it has just been easier to avoid blogging about anything other than the superficial.
It’s time to find a happy medium, though, because I have been positively miserable through my self-censorship. That’s not to say that I am giving up journaling…quite the opposite. My journal is my best self-care outlet ever and blogging cannot replace the safety of my journal. But I have to stop being afraid of expressing myself here. It’s manifested as a fear of expressing myself anywhere, even in person, within certain circles, and the results have been pretty catastrophic to my self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Life is too short to live like that, not sharing myself as I would choose to do. And so, you will start seeing more of me, the real me, here.
Occasionally I try to go for a formal posed photo of my three boys. Most of the time, it ends up looking much like this. I’m learning to embrace these moments, since this is way closer to what our daily reality looks like.
I love these three boys with all my heart. They are each such special individuals and it is such a great honor to get to be their mom.